I am not for others what they are to me, and I should accept that.
Bad day
I wonder if is it bad to keep wanting things you can't ask for.
I wonder if I'm wrong for wanting to lean on to someone and let them know my worries.
But again, it's no one's obligation to make me feel happy, or secure or valuable, only me.
And yet...
Today is a bad day.
In my mind I have a lot of things I want to do, that need to be done, but my body wont move.
All I want to do is lay down and eat.
I'm on energy saving mode. My battery it's at a point where it asks for the charger, but there isn't one at reach.
I'll keep fighting this feeling, I've felt worse, this is nothing to me.
Sometimes
The thing is....
I've been taking care of people for quite a while.
I make sure people are okay and safe and happy.
But sometimes, I wish I was the one being taken care of.
It's not an everyday thing, just, sometimes, I want to feel taken care of.
I want someone to worry about me.
I want words of reassurance.
I want hugs and cuddles.
I want kisses on the forehead.
I want meals cooked for me.
I want someone to look at me as if I'm the most beautiful person in the world.
Today is one of those days.
I'll get over it, tomorrow, maybe.
Old
I saw my old home.
It looks the same as when I left.
It has new tenants.
I can only watch it from afar.
It made me reminisce the past.
It made me miss it a little.
I guess that'll happen from time to time until I don't miss it at all.
New
I went out without my costume.
I showed up without my mask.
And they didn't ran away.
They even came back to meet me again.
This is new.
Surprised
And just like that
It didn't hurt anymore.
I was surprised of myself.
And felt kinda guilty
As I promised forever.
Be happy, child,
I know I'll try to be.
Costume
I've been wearing a costume, and nobody seem to notice I'm inside of it.
I've been wearing it for a long time. I can't remember for how long.
I only take it off when I'm home, And sometimes when someone it's interested in the real me.
The thing is, I can't go out without it.
And I'm a bit afraid people won't recognize me if i don't wear it.
Middle point
Happy and gloomy coexist for now.
Today I practiced self care. I made my legs shiver by myself.
I've been swimming by my own and it's getting a little better. Lifeguard was nowhere to be found.
My smile it's getting real more often, I barely have to pretend.